dear diary...

The longest relationship I've had is with my diary. Or journaling as it's now called. la dee dah.

It was the Diary of Anne Frank that inspired me. I read the book in Bandra - was it from the lending library on Hill Road?

I must have been 10 or, at the most, 11.

I loved reading her diary. I secretly relived her first kiss. And I cried for days when I read of her death in a concentration camp. That information must have been in the back of the book itself, an afterword. No internet then.

For my first journal, I found from somewhere in the house what I thought would be a diary-like book. It was actually a yearly planner, with a burgundy plastic cover. There were lines for each day of the year but I didn't mind them. Meaning I wrote in and out of the lines in pencil and pen.

I named my diary as Anne had hers. She named hers "Kitty." I named mine "Lisa." Lisa! Many American-sounding things were fashionable in my world then. Lisa.

Dear Lisa...

My first entries were entirely matching Anne's tone of voice. Along the way, I wrote what I thought were deep dark secrets and then tore the pages out.

But then the writing began to - how to explain it - it became my friend. I've kept a journal since then. I'm now 51. There are times I've written on a laptop. But mostly it's been an old fashioned paper notebook. (I have boxes of them!)

Once, when on holiday in a small village in Europe, I ran out of pages. The book ended. The next day was going to be Sunday and everything was going to be closed. I raced out, hoping.... To this day, I remember the supreme joy in finding a small schoolbook in a kiosk and I remember the even more supreme pleasure when I finally got back to the hotel with its view of the sea, picked up a pen (black felt tip or blue gel tip) and began to write. It wasn't even pleasure. It was a homecoming. A necessity.

In trying to give words to what a diary has meant to me, I came up with this.

"When you journal, you are developing a relationship with a part of yourself who can listen and receive you just as you are, who can transform the moment before writing and the moment after writing. There is a magic in seeing the words shape themselves on the page, the words coming into creation, meaning, sensation, mystery, solace, wisdom, draw...doodle..." - Shebana Coelho

In short, in long, a journal helps ravel and unravel yourself and the world, your place in it, its place in you, aisa, asi, like that.

I offer some journaling suggestions below.

A big thanks to my cousin Nahida and her beautiful heartwork to support people in living and working their passion, DiscoverU - it speaking to her inspired me to write about my love of journaling.

Even when...

Even when I don't have words for the state of the world or of myself, I find some words in my journal. I write about Gaza even when it hurts. I write about how it hurts to read the news. I write about the sun over the mesa. I write about the night bellows of elk. I write about what I can't write about here.

And when I don't feel like writing, I don't force myself. There's a dance, an invitation, a stillness.

For me, writing in a diary is a necessary refuge to make sense of the world but also non-sense, to be and not to be, to rage and to accept, equanimity and refusal, brevity and length - everything is welcome.

JOURNAL TO WRITE AND REFLECT

Soon I feel I want to be offering some "WRITE AND REFLECT" Journaling workshops - to play with all the ways you can feel free, and find solace and support with journaling. If that speaks to you, let me know. And/or sign up for my mailing list.

And if you'd like to be in touch individually, you're welcome to drop me a note at info at shebana coelho dot com.

Here's to you, Kitty, Lisa, or Future Unnamed Diary. Here's to you Anne.

with love

Shebana

JOURNALING SUGGESTIONS

• Name your diary as Anne Frank did. Give them a human person name.
• Make sense of your day: "What lingered, what was one moment where I felt good and how did that feel in my body? Or where did I feel stuck?"
  Or just let yourself rant and rave - it’s all for you
• Make nonsense and PLAY. Write fragments of words, feelings, images, doodle, draw lines. So much reveals itself in playfulness.
• Every now and then, grab a cup of chai and reread what you have written. For me, it feels like going on an amazing journey when I do that, a journey through waves of emotions into the rooted feeling of the present moment. You survived all of those moments. You are here. It feels comforting to re-read and see the ebb and flow of everything.